How Do I Heal After a Difficult Ending?
Endings are happening all around us; that trashy TV programme just finished and your jam doughnut has vanished. Some endings don’t have much of an impact, and some are life shattering. There are endings that are welcomed and wanted and others which are painful and a relief. There are many ways something’s finality can touch us.
But why are some endings so hard?
Human beings are creatures of habit and many of us like routine, control and consistency. But life doesn’t always follow the path we anticipate; whether that be due to the death of a loved one, a redundancy, or a break up. The truth is, healing after a difficult ending is a personal journey that is unique to us all. Life is a series of transitions and each ending is the beginning of something new. Often, when one significant experience comes to an end, your memories and feelings of previous similar endings will surface. For example, if your relative passed away suddenly, severely impacting your mental health, and another close relation becomes ill, you may begin worrying that you’ll feel as bad as you did back then and that they will also pass suddenly. But every ending is different - different in how long it lasts, how you’ll feel about it, and what life stage you’re in.
Endings can also remind us of our own mortality - an ending we cannot escape. Death anxiety may be something you experience too. We can be worried our last years will be full of regret. But don’t ignore your regrets - it’s wise to be aware of them because they provide insight into what we want from life. Just as finding endings incredibly difficult might suggest we haven’t lived a life aligned closely to our values. Ask yourself what your values are.
I take great inspiration and comfort from these words:
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore” ~ André Gide
You’ve got to let go of what you know to experience the great unknown.
Things that can help you move towards healing (try one to start with):
Surrounding yourself with friends and family that make you feel good.
Exercising in a way that suits you.
Journalling, drawing or some other form of expression - for when words fail you.
Having something to focus on - healthy distractions, like a new hobby. Follow your passions.
Doing something that scares you - gain a sense of achievement from a challenging experience.
Letting yourself feel your feelings, normalise them, endings are hard and it’s healthy to grieve.
A good counsellor can help you process an ending you’re struggling with; self-help isn’t always enough. Get in touch if you’d like to work with me.
